Is the Pro Bowl Screwed Up Beyond Repair?

“Hey Ollie, what channel's the Pro Bowl on?” said Stan. He popped a Dorito in his mouth.

“What? Pro Bowl? That was last week. Done and gone,” said Ollie. “Down in Florida. Didn't you watch?

“No, the Pro Bowl. It's in Hawaii, always.” Another Dorito. “I want to tape it.”

“Ten bucks.” said Ollie.

“What ten bucks? Hawaii, every year. After the Super Bowl. The PRO bowl.”

“Ten Bucks. They played last week.”

“What am I missing?” He thought for a second. “Okay, ten bucks.”

They shook greasy hands.

“How do you want your pizza?” said Ollie. “You just lost.”

“No way.” said Stan. “Pro bowl is always played...”

Stan pointed at the computer on the kitchen table. A quick Google, 'NFL Pro Bowl 2010,' and sure enough, last week in South Florida.

“What the...” said Stan. Still staring at the screen, he grabbed the phone and dialed Dominoes. “Sonofabitch, you're kidding.”

Before we watch the Super Bowl's aerial bombardment, there's one thing left this season to clean up. The Pro Bowl.

After two weeks of non-stop Super Bowl promos, football exhaustion takes over. We can't wait for Sunday, the party, the TV above the bar, will I beat the spread? Then it's over. The Champs are crowned. But wait there's more. What? Yep, the Pro Bowl. But we have our champions.

Even so, coming down off that Super Bowl rush, we're a bit tired of football. Who cares, anyway. Many Pro Bowlers don't even show up. Hell, some are back on the plane before the second half. (Aka Troy Aikman.) Torn knees, dislocated shoulders, concussions just waiting to happen. No player is going to play their best, play flat out? It's not like a REAL game.

Maybe if they were playing for something? There's no home field advantage in the next Super Bowl. Maybe the winning side, AFC/NFC, could take procession at the start of each regular season game. Or we could forget coin tosses altogether in the following Super Bowl, at the start and in OT? (Please, don't get me started on flippin' coins in OT). General Motors gives each winning player a new Caddy. Something to fight for.

Is the Pro Bowl just one last chance for the NFL to grab some space in the sports section, more commercial time, at the end of the season? One last Hurrah, before we rest up for March Madness? There must be a better solution than simply changing the game to the Sunday before the Super Bowl.

So, how about this: “And the 2010 Griddy for 'Best Catch while Remaining In Bounds,' goes to...” The fans vote at the end of the season, text their favorites American Idol style. The All Pro Griddy Awards. No game, just an awards show. Show clips of the top five best players, best games, worst ref calls. Most Feared on Defensive, Most Friendly, Most Outrageous, (players would be changing their name to sesenta nueve, R. J. Smith B., or remember He Hate Me?). See the players in civvies, all embarrassed, silly grins when they win. “I want to thank my mamma, coach Jackson, my agent Sal, my doctor, Dr. Stickman, my Broker Bobby Ray, my psychiatrist Dr..."

They could schedule it between the Golden Globes, and the Country Music Awards. Hell, what's one more award show? No problem getting retired players up on stage. Broadway Joe, Too Tall Jones, Mean Joe, Hacksaw, maybe even Kenny the Snake. Make an appearance, present an awards. It's all good. (Maybe even O.J. Get a camera inside his Vegas cell, I'd watch. Nielsen's through the roof.)

Or how about this: “NFL Pro Play Day?” Your favorite pro players in action. Everyone having fun. Hyped right, this could be big. Like slam dunking, or home run hitting. Passing accuracy, running in tires, (drop in a plug for Michelin), Volleyball, (shirts against the skins, get the cheerleaders involved, YES!), maybe even a poker game. All the big names guaranteed air time. No one could possibly get hurt. Still have it in Hawaii, so no problem with winter weather. Further build up for the Super Bowl. Big charity event. Announcers on the field. Refs throwing flags, instant replay. Coaches challenging the three legged race. NFL gone wild! Awesome!

This works for me. Let it all hang out a week before the Big Game. How can anyone say no?

At least it gives those players from the Raiders, Browns, Jags, and the Rams, something to do, other than hang out on their 120 foot yachts, drinking Red Bulls, listlessly updating their Facebook.

They got to get ready for Pro Play Day!

That's my take. How do we fix the Pro Bowl? You tell me.

CorneliusButterfield.com